Rewiring the brain and body after grief
Grief Is More Than We Think
Grief and trauma can strike and impact our lives in many ways — through loss, divorce, illness, or collective mourning, like what many of us felt during the isolation of COVID: a longing for connection, for a world that felt safer, more certain.and more connected.
Grief, in all its forms, grapples you with its powerful emotional grip, forcing a new reality.
Grief Lives In The Body
We often associate grief with the mind — emotions and thoughts we struggle to process. But grief lives beyond the brain. It’s held deep within our cells, tissues, nervous system, and organs, influencing — and being influenced by our energy in profoundly systemic ways.
I only came to truly understand this through my own journey with grief and healing. It wasn’t just emotional; it was physical. We talk about a “broken heart,” and anyone who’s experienced loss knows that this isn’t just a metaphor. The ache in your chest is very real. It’s the body responding to pain that words can’t quite capture.
If left unprocessed or chronically suppressed, this emotional weight doesn’t disappear — it settles into the body, disrupting both mental and physical health. Like the energetic weight of certain words or thoughts, emotions can become “heavy,” manifesting as chronic stress, fatigue, or illness which remains and gets passed down through generations.
We don’t have to look far to find evidence. Research shows that people who are bereaved often experience increased inflammation, disrupted immune function, and reduced resilience to physical challenges. It appears that cortisol, often referred to as a stress hormone, remains elevated for at least the first 6 months of bereavement. For some, cortisol elevation may become chronic, which has been associated with increased cardiac risk, reduced immune function, and reduced quality of life.*
We only need to acknowledge this to understand that grief, quite literally, alters our biology, and so that of our offspring.
That’s why it’s so important to face grief holistically — not just as something to survive, but as something to move through, feel, and heal from. Too often, we’re taught to numb, suppress, or power through grief, creating a false sense of “new normal” that only worsens our pain and coping mechanisms over time.
In this post, I’ll share part of my own healing path and offer insight into how we can begin to rewire both the brain and body after loss — learning not just to survive, but to live again after grief’s dark hold.
My Story Of Loss
Losing loved ones is a part of life that we all must face at some point. It teaches you to love harder, live more and cherish memories. My journey of grief took shape as I navigated the loss of two stepdads in my teenage years, followed by my father at 24, and then my doggy of 13 years at 31. A large part of my coping with the early losses came from adopting a full blown eating disorder which resulted in multiple inpatient admissions. I mourned security but I was more affected by my mothers suffering than being in direct pain myself. My eating disorder was a friend - as well as foe, it was a comfort and something I could rely on, to feel in control and numb to the turmoil unravelling around me. Leaving the disorder brought on a grief in its own right, and lots of growth as I re-identified and “found” myself.
There will be friends, family, pets and acquaintances who touch your heart, and take a part of your heart when they leave. The good and the bad memories, the missed moments and the holes for what could have been remain. They are painful but also beautiful, allowing you to see more magic in the world we are so lucky to live in. Each of my losses was uniquely profound, leaving imprints not only on my heart but also on my body, mind and spirit.
The loss of my father in 2018 was the most profound. He was my rock, he had woven dreams into my life and helped shape who I was. His absence felt like a gaping hole, one that left me navigating my own existence without his guiding hand - which I still struggle with to this day.
Unlike my stepfathers, it was less of a shock, there was even an element of relief, as we had lived through months of witnessing him suffer as he was eaten by an aggressive cancer. This relief smothered me with guilt but it had been exhausting holding on to hope when it seemed disconnected with the reality facing you. Squeezing memories and experiences out of each and every moment became our life for the short five months of his cancer journey, before he fell asleep and left us for somewhere undoubtedly more peaceful than what his reality had become.
The period of caring for him and witnessing the shift from man, to much like a young boy ahead of his death triggered PTSD, and I am only now seeing the healing work that I have gone through since his passing, understanding how deeply lost I was for the few years after it happened.
I threw myself into building a business which became a safe container, and it was only when the pandemic hit two years later, and there was space to think, that the processing really began.
Grief and the healing from trauma is not a linear process but a long-term journey, one that involves deep healing across multiple layers—spiritual, mental, and physical.
The Mind-Maps of Loss
As a result of my losses, I experienced not just an emotional void but a physical and spiritual unraveling. I soon discovered that unresolved grief and remnants of previous conditions, like my eating disorder, often shows up in unexpected ways—through chronic fatigue, unhealthy vices, toxic relationships, overworking, digestive issues, and even autoimmune conditions like psoriasis. Over the past few years, I have been torn down, and have had to build back up. The stress of grieving activated a cycle of chronic stress that manifested in my body. I understood, perhaps for the first time, that mental and physical healing are intricately linked which compelled me to confront deeper questions and unresolved emotions. I began to explore the fears that come with the loss of a loved one—what did it mean to live without figures who helped shaped your identity, how do these losses impact your spiritual and physical well-being? And how do you heal from this trauma?
Strategies for Healing
None of these remedies are quick fixes, which makes them more difficult, but also more rewarding to pursue. The reality is healing is hard and takes time and deep inward work. I fully urge you to immerse yourself on this journey and invest for the long haul, to establish a sustainable sense of wellbeing to support you, and your future generations to come.
Here are some strategies that became pillars in my healing process, reflecting what I learned along the way:
1. Working
During times of deep grief, work became a kind of anchor for me. Yes, there were many a time when I’ve slipped into overworking—but that’s the nature of running a business and more often, it gave me something to hold onto when everything else felt like it was falling apart.
Work offered structure when my days felt blurred. It gave me a place to direct my energy, to feel useful, to keep showing up. In many ways, it distracted me—but in the best sense: through purpose, connection, and moments of normality. I was still giving, still creating, still living.
And that, at times, was exactly what I needed.
How to make work, work in times of grief?
Give Yourself Permission to Not Be 100%: You don’t need to “power through.” Grief impacts energy, memory, and focus. Be honest with yourself—and others—about what’s realistic right now.
Create Small Daily Anchors: Short walks, tea breaks, phoning a friend, or breathing exercises can help regulate your emotions and offer micro-moments of calm
Set Boundaries Where You Can: You don’t owe everyone your full energy. Limit meetings, decline non-essential tasks, and carve out space to process your feelings.
Share With Someone You Trust: Even just saying, “I’m grieving right now” can lift the emotional weight. You’re not weak for needing support.
Let Work Be a Container, Not a Distraction
Work can offer rhythm and purpose—but don’t use it to suppress what you feel. Honour your emotions, even during the workday.
You’re Not Alone in This : Grief is hard. But with compassion, boundaries, and gentle structure, you can move through it—even while working.
2. Breath-work and Meditation
I found that breath work and meditation was initially about sitting through my discomfort and feeling embodied, learning what it really felt like to be “me”. Part of healing is learning to express emotions that we harbour - anger, fear, sadness. Breathing has a way of releasing these and after a while, it really allowed my mind to be quieter, helping me evade the need to escape from my thoughts. I learned to observe my feelings and process memories that I was afraid to think about, instead of becoming overwhelmed by them.
Why it helps?
Breathing is what we do most but most of us don’t do it properly. With trauma, we are dealing with high cortisol levels and unconsciously change how we breathe even more, often only taking shallow breaths or holding our breath for longer periods which can become chronic, wreaking havoc on our nervous system, body and emotions.
Breathing properly helps to lower cortisol levels: This improves physiological functioning, facilitating emotional resilience and clearing mental clutter.
Promotes awareness and relaxation: Allowing for emotional processing without judgment, reducing stress, which can enhance cellular repair and regeneration.
Promotes an altered state of consciousness: Breathing and meditation have the power to allow us to access deeper layers of consciousness. It’s in these states that we can bypass mental states of judgement and the rational mind, accessing our subconscious emotions and sensations to express, and process them on a deeper level.
3. Nourishment with Whole Foods
Why it helps?
Food for so many of us becomes an emotional crutch, whether it be under-eating or overeating. Our appetite regulator and emotional brain (processing of anger and fear which are largely associated with trauma) both work with the hypothalamus, so they work in tandem. Additionally, when we are in “fight and flight” mode, our digestive system slows down - and so the gut-brain connection is hugely impacted in times of grief, and can result in chronic digestive issues and inflammation if not managed. For some of us, we may lose our appetite all together, others we may overeat or reach for soft, comforting foods that are easy to eat.
What to eat?
We need to make sure we are consuming calming, nurturing foods to nourish the system. Remove caffeine and alcohol, avoid processed foods and refined sugars.
increase water intake
Eat the rainbow, wholegrain, healthy fats and protein.
4. Journaling
Why it helps?
Writing offers as a structured outlet for processing grief, allowing for emotional expression that alleviates psychological stress and promotes healing.
5. Movement and Exercise
Why it helps:
Movement has long been one of my most powerful tools for managing grief. It helps transform heavy emotional energy into something constructive and healing. Engaging in light physical activity—such as yoga, dancing, or long walks in nature—can support the parasympathetic nervous system, which eases stress.
During grief, it’s common to feel withdrawn, but staying indoors and avoiding movement can lead to reduced sunlight exposure, which may deplete vitamin D levels. This can affect bone health, cell growth, and immune function—further impacting your well-being.
What to do:
Get outside and expose yourself to natural sunlight.
Incorporate gentle exercise like walking, stretching, or dancing into your day.
Movement improves circulation and oxygen flow, releasing endorphins that lift mood and help process emotional pain.
It also stimulates the lymphatic system, supports detoxification, and strengthens the mind-body connection, helping restore vitality.
6. Sound Bath Healing
Why it help?
Certain sounds and frequencies lower stress biomarkers and optimise physiological functions, supporting emotional balance essential for cellular regeneration and healing. This use of sound vibrations to facilitate relaxation and emotional release helps to shift stagnant energy and induce a sense of calm.
7. Functional Plant Medicines
This is an alternative route which I have trialled at periods over a long time. It is important to embark on these journeys when you feel ready but they can be incredibly powerful and have really helped develop a new sense of self. Under guidance from knowledgeable practitioners, I explored plant medicines and adaptogens that supported my emotional health. This exploration opened new doors to understanding grief and provided tools that complemented my other healing practices.
Why it helps?
Supports emotional health and physiological balance through natural herbal remedies and adaptogens that enhance stress resilience.
Contain bioactive compounds that reduce inflammation and promote neurotransmitter regulation, paving a holistic path to healing.
A Long-Term Journey
Healing from loss is not a destination but an evolving path that does get less intense but it’s like riding a wave. Some days are harder than others, and that's okay. I have learned to approach my grief with acceptance, allowing it to ebb and flow as it wishes. It’s essential to understand that healing takes time and patience.
Grief reshapes us, but it also can be a source of profound growth if we allow ourselves to engage with it authentically. I've come to appreciate the depth of love that exists even in loss, intertwining my memories with a sense of gratitude for the time shared. Healing is ongoing, but with each step forward, I feel a renewed sense of hope. I invite anyone experiencing their grief journey to embrace this process, recognising it as a sacred, personal journey deserving of compassion and understanding.
* Buckley, Thomas et al. “Physiological correlates of bereavement and the impact of bereavement interventions.” Dialogues in clinical neuroscience vol. 14,2 (2012): 129-39. doi:10.31887/DCNS.2012.14.2/tbuckley
